What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 06:36
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She found it foreign!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Is crossdressing being a transvestite?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How can I earn money through OnlyFans?
I was very sick at this time too.
I could never make a relationship work though!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Do women like watching men sucking men?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
What are some common lies that addicts may tell themselves?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who is the most annoying character in the Office?
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot live in the past .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was seconnd youngest,
I think the readers, may guess!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it wasn’t much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He knew the spot.
Would this be the day?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So whats the point in blame.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I don,t even have a pension.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ive learnt so much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I never cut or harmed myself..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I write beautiful poetry .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Put me off passion for life!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My family never makes their pension either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She married twice! .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is soul school!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!